Scorpio Soul Search

An outlet for my thoughts, imagination and creative feelings!

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2020 – Credit or debit or balanced?

In life we win some, lose some.Is 2020 a total loss or did we gain anything? Is 2020 one of those occasional turbulences a ship faces or a titanic iceberg to sink it? Mind turns analytical as we reach the end of this unforgettable year.

As all of us have discussed in every occasion, the new virus had taken us by surprise as none or most of us didn’t expect this huge effect and for this long too. The expected end to this pandemic had played and still playing peekaboo with us (As I am writing this, a new Corona virus strain is identified and people are infected with it)

I believe in the balance of our life. Everyone has positive aspects and negative aspects in life and vary in their approach to them. The day starts with something to look forward to irrespective of whether it is good or bad. The day ends with balancing the columns, credit or debit. In between, we live adding or subtracting through our experiences. In 2020, it looked like a huge minus even as we neared the midpoint and still not seeing the light or the end of tunnel. However, we kept the hope alive and started letting out our held breaths and found ways to bring the normalcy as much as possible in our lives.

People went out with precautions and those stayed home learnt to not criticise those who went out for their living. There were precious lives lost and measures taken to contain the mortality rate. Governments focussed on reviving the industries and took steps to boost the economy with opposition parties muted support. Elections were conducted and leaders emerged victorious bringing cheer to the followers. Sports played with limited spectators or without making use of the digital platforms with the same amount of enthusiasm. Education took a new avatar online and kept its knowledge enabling objective to the extent possible as embraced by the student and teaching community.

Life goes on and as long as life goes on things will fall in place. Toughest days were managed with the support and understanding from family and friends. This year showed us the value of the people in our lives. The need for human touch and belongingness is felt deeply more than the need for materials we accumulated over years. Though we traveled less, we saw the beauty of the relationships and the nooks and corners of our surroundings. The mask hid the fear from our faces and gave an uniformity to the good and bad, the beautiful and ugly. The importance of health and healthy food is understood by many. (Check out

Personally, it was a memorable and a well lived year. Could devote a lot of time to my zentangle art and enjoyed every bit of it. Inktober 2020 helped to hone the skill and I emerged confident. Reading though took a bit back seat, relaxed reading before bed was a luxury possible because of the unhurried mornings. Netflix and Prime became a part of routine and the family time spent watching content together was nothing to compare with or can’t be traded for anything else. Exercising and relishing the home cooked food became a norm and the effect is seen clearly. I have to mention here that the food waste was drastically reduced or nil as every morsel is given its due attention.

I can keep going on as I have decided to focus on the positives after my initial panic and became grateful for every day. With the hope for vaccination and riding over this pandemic is nearing, appreciating all the good things in life and being helpful to others as much as possible became my only mottos in life. Because worrying or complaining won’t help in anyway or anyone. Rather than thinking in win or lose terms, finding balance is what I look for and expect you all to seek it out too! Keep me posted on your experience of 2020 😉

Wishing you all a wonderful, hopeful and joyful New Year 2021 ❤

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.” – Emily Dickinson

HOPE IN 2021:)


Corona, Me and life

Changes are painful; Changes are unwelcome; Changes not to be forced; I will change when I want to change; I bend the rules to suit my requirements…….

I am on top of the order; everything exists around me. I want; I prefer; I do irrespective of the effect on other beings…..

No more, COVID-19 is speaking, you better listen!

As I told in my previous post (What changed?), a lot changed in my life too, owing to this minuscule, a teeny tiny virus!!!!

Let me share the stages in which I have gone through or going through this new normal, for the past 150 days, approximately.


World war related fictions intrigued me as I cannot imagine enough the hard life of ordinary folks during wars, when they lived in constant fear and uncertainty. I read them extensively to assure me that that phase is over and world will never ever face those difficult times again. So when the news about this virus and its effect on human beings were started circulating, the initial reaction was to just ignore and dismiss the whole thing. But eventually the disease knocked the doors of our homes and talks of lockdown and possibility of the end of the world was projected, my adventurous antenna shot up. I rolled up my sleeves to face this uncertainty by planning ahead for our essentials, stocking up and realigning priorities. Protecting the family was the foremost thought and every contingency was being run in my overworking brain (which is always ready to catch up on anything to over think 😛

It was exciting, to be frank, at least initially, as it was something we haven’t experienced before. Previously, everything was within our reach, if you had the means to get it. Now, nothing is certain or assured even if you are wealthy or a celebrity, and that challenged every cell of my body.

Ordinary routine chores like cooking and cleaning the household were given an adventurous streak. Activities like clapping, lighting lamps and video calls were also keeping up the momentum of thrill as if we are part of some unknown ride. Each day was to be relished to the second.

Fear and Anxiety:

After a few weeks, the strain of being on constant vigil and guard started showing. It was impractical to plan everything and try and lead a normal life while nothing is normal. The news of the spread of the virus and the lack of facilities such as – hospital staff /beds/medication – added to the stress. The fact that the virus affects everyone and once infected you are isolated and in the hands of someone else, brought chills in the spine.

Though the lower percentages of infection and mortality in the country were doled out by everyone to calm the nerves, there was an underlying fear of the uncontrollable feature. Every sneeze and cough scared the mind and the onset of monsoon ensured that you either get up with a symptom or go to bed with one. Every remedy on earth to suppress the cold is followed and discussed to no end. Gone are the peaceful days when if you have a cold or fever you just cuddled and enjoyed the rest and attention. The anxiety and longing for those days started growing exponentially as being cooped up at home is not what we are accustomed to.

Calm and Clear:

If there is a high tide, a low tide should come next. The stage of acceptance had reached in the coming weeks, as it was well known by now that there is no quick fix for this virus. It is not going away on any particular day and may mutate and stay here forever.

Only way forward is to take charge of those factors which are in our control, like wearing a mask, keeping a social distance from outsiders, washing hands, sanitizing vegetables, groceries & anything touched by others, avoiding crowds, etc. Improving the immunity and fitness are given a priority at home always. Eating proper and healthy food in time, exercising, sleeping well and, in time, being positive and spreading happiness, helping the needy and underprivileged are some of the other parts of our life which we have in our rein in to lead a contented life.

Once all these are understood and practiced with clarity, the new normal became our routine.


All these stages are not clearly demarcated; often overlapped or dominated or subdued even in a part of the same day. As any other ordinary soul in this planet, I too go through these phases and I am looking forward to the days of carefree living. At the same time, all the learnings of these recent times are not going to be thrown away. Respect for our nature, family members, dignity of the household chores, value of our time, good health and especially the food and above all not taking anything for granted, are going to remain with me forever.

Surely, whatever I have recounted are not my lone experiences and may have touched a nerve in some of you or atleast felt something you could relate with. Please share your views and comments.

My next post, which I hope is in the near future 😉

Images courtesy: Google images

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What changed?

A new decade dawned with a lot of hope as it always does with anything new arriving. A new day, a new book, a new person, a new place, all bring out a great excitement. The looking forward to the experience of the new something and the surprise element in not knowing what’s in store, make the waiting for the arrival of ‘New’ worthwhile. There will always be the secret hope to get the expected rather than the unexpected.

Year 2020 started with ignorance for many and it was bliss for sometime. And the knowledge was fed through media which was easy to avoid or ignore, again for sometime, keeping our usual, as normal. There was some confidence that the ‘pandemic’ lies far away from us and ‘no way’ we are part of ‘this new plan with a twist’

Then, the reality and the inescapability held our collar and made us take notice.

Life changed, a new normal took over. Nothing escaped or was ignored. Focus shifted from macro to micro. Wants trimmed for essential needs. Extra frills cut and folded for future. Stocks taken to survive the crisis.

Still, the end was seen very close. Something will be done to restore normalcy. Things cannot be so uncontrollable, in this new millennium and space age. We are super humans having harnessed the power of all the elements for our advantage. The hope stood strong on the pillars of ultimate superiority of the Homo sapiens. Alas! It is not to be so!

Weeks passed with the germ traveling widely with the globetrotting men and women. A new order arrived to show the weakness in the superior race. No latest weapon could protect the new unseen enemy. The giant power of the small organism and no shield against it to protect our lives, shocked the world. Panic struck; anxiety grew; uncertainty took hold as no one knew when this will end or what’s the cure.

While science finds ways to fight and kill the tiny being wreaking havoc across continents, we are asked to be unsocial by keeping distance from each other. Everyone sent home to shut the door on the virus. Not to give a path for its travel, we are asked to wash hands on it. While the air purifying itself from this killer, we went hiding behind a mask, biding our time.

“Stay home, stay safe” became our chanting!

While we stayed at home, our priorities changed, our lifestyle changed, our outlook changed, we changed, our universe changed…….hopefully for the better!

What changed in my life….in the next post.

We're not going back to normal | MIT Technology Review

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Love Facets

“Don’t take that carrot, I just said they are looking fresh, we had carrots yesterday” words spoken in a strict tone made me look up to find out the speaker and the spoken to. But pressed for time to rush home and begin the routine, I just focussed on the vegetables at hand.

“Look at these mangoes, they have ripen perfectly without any blemish” Words and the female voice drew my attention again and this time I couldn’t avoid looking. The man started to pick mangoes and the harsh voice admonished him, “I just said they are better than what we bought , didn’t tell you to take them. We need only potatoes, onions and tomatoes. Choose the onions which are smaller in size, they are the best and half a kilo tomatoes are enough. And put all of them in one basket, don’t go and search for another basket” Words fell out of her mouth in succession without care and in the severe order.

Being left to do my shopping on my own from the first year of marriage, I always looked longingly at the couples doing shopping together. Here the elderly couple with the reversal role of husband selecting the vegetables with wife just giving the advice was new and amusing to me. After a few seconds looking for a retaliation from the man and not seeing even a flutter of eyelids, I cursed my manners and averted the gaze. Quickly buying the vegetables I left from there.

Two days later, I was in our neighbourhood medical shop to buy a ear drop. Hearing the same voice giving instructions, noticed the couple again.”Just get the tablets for three days, don’t buy whatever is written by doctor. How many times I have to tell you this? Nothing will happen if one time you don’t take them”, intoned the voice.

As if it is a regular occurrence, the medical shop personnel just concentrated on their work and I was the only other customer. Once again I searched the man’s face for an angry response which is what I would have got if I have behaved liked that old lady., but in vain. No change in the expression and he just paid for the medicines as told by the shop guy and left with his wife.

Both their faces with the opposite expressions keep coming to my mind although I haven’t seen them after that incident in the pharmacy. A week later, on a Sunday after my walk I went to my usual place in the garden and found the uncle sitting alone in the adjacent bench. As my regular routine I started doing the stretches while being aware of his presence nearby and once finished sat to do Pranayama.

“Hi”, heard the voice before I closed my eyes and turned to look at him who was giving me the best smile he can conjure. The overt personality of mine took over and with full warmth I paid attention which always relaxed the other person and helped them to open up to me. The following conversation  ensued between us. 

He understood that I was curious to know about them and how unorthodox it looks the way his wife speaks to him in public. I apologised for showing my emotions so plainly and how it is not just inquisitiveness that wanted me to know about them but also to help in anyway possible. He accepted my views with the understanding that will come only with the experience how to separate the chaff from the grains over the years.

“She was not like this, he began, “she used to be the most calm and cool headed against my tensed nature, in the years after our marriage. I will just earn the money and leave everything to her as I have understood the ability of her in managing things with a more organised and unflustered way. ” As he spoke, he went into a trance reliving the moments of the past.

” We had the perfect life as life can be with each one understanding our specific roles and not trying to step into others shoes unnecessarily. We have two children, a boy and a girl, which added to the perfection and carried the sail smoothly till my retirement”.

He shook his head as he returned from his reverie forcefully as if the picture he was seeing started shaking and wanting it to clear.  The expressionless face returned with it set features and he looked at me in the eyes and said matter of factly ” A week after my retirement two years back, I had been diagnosed with a hole in the heart and some genetic conditions which doesn’t allow for any surgery. I can carry on as long as the medicines can help and ” he showed his hands towards the sky ” the boss decides”

I felt so sad with the affection I had developed for him in the few moments of meeting him. In my mind i was trying so many things to say about the advancement in medical world and how he can cure anything, etc but the words were blocked by my brain which knows very well that all these are empty words and will only be uttered for the sake of consoling.

So I just looked at him blankly but as if he got wind of my underlying confusion trying to link his ill health with the bitter behaviour of his wife, he spoke out “She couldn’t accept my health situation since she always had control of our lives and in her inner mind blames me for bringing this on our lives. Along with her love for me and this mental block to accept the helplessness, she started to over control tiny details and want to feel secured. So we go through these motions of our daily lives with she having the charge and I follow her orders. This is a way of showing her rebellion against my health condition and as I can sense her love behind this bitterness, I simply go along”

He tried to smile and suddenly getting a spark, he looked at me and said, it is like the new lovers who don’t care who is around when they are madly in love, we also don’t worry who watches us as we too are madly in love with each other!”

He was so happy with the newfound way of looking at their life, he started towards his home energetically to share it with his love of life.

I sat there for quite a long time thinking about the different dimensions of love!

Wear the love goggles to see the world differently! Not all love look the same! 

Love!!!!! Live!!! Laugh!!!!


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Food for thought!

Food is good! One of the greatest motivators from Pavlovian days 😉 For some it is the fuel for energising the body and for some it is the reason why the body is existing – eating to live and living to eat – we see it all. 😀  

Born in Kerala, brought up in Tamil Nadu, married in Mumbai and living in Bangalore helped me to taste the local foods of at least four states. I equally love the coconut based dishes of God’s own country, Idly, Dosa and Rasam of  Chennai, Pav bhaji, Pani puri, Chats and Dabeli of Mumbai and Akki roti, Gojju avalakki, Bisibele bath and Mysore pak of Karanataka. International influence brought pasta, pizza, noodles, burger and dark chocolates into our lives adding variety to satisfy the palette.

 Some foods linger in your thought for long and some best forgotten as soon you have eaten. In every tradition and culture, food plays the foremost part and every ritual is placed around it. In India, every festival has items to be prepared using the seasonal ingredients available during that time.

Though I like the concept of consuming the food, I tried to distance myself from the preparation part of it. Being a vegetarian and now turned Vegan, my experiments with food all happened by spending more time on looking at the ingredients carefully. Health conscious family added a list of staples to be part of our diet and millets and pulses became our regular intakes. Learnt to make a lot of millet based dishes and loved the lightness along with the great taste they provided.

 So I moved on from a person who can’t differentiate toor dal (pigeon pea) from moong dal ( green gram) to a confident chef sharing pictures of my preparations and recipes. Baking a cake once a while brought out another dimension to my new found passion and  helped to feed my family the vegan version without searching too much. 

 The options of eating out, take aways and home delivery are so tempting and widespread presently. We prefer enjoying our breakfast in a calm and serene ambience on a holiday and keep scouting for new places to experience.

A life journey comprises of eating good food, living healthy and laughing more! Let’s Just Do It! 🙂

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Spring back

It has been months since I wrote anything…its like being on life support and wanting to breath freely on my own…soon. The ‘soon’ was playing a peekaboo with me and I was being on a wild chase to catch it! Today I made a high jump dropping all the weights pulling me down and had an encounter with it. Here I am with my laptop and eager to dig and spill out the thoughts piled up on the inside for so long.

First and the foremost one, which was the reason why I could shed the things weighing me down and told me to ‘just do it’ immediately floated on top.

Last week I was traveling on the metro – the suburban rail transport which made the travel to different parts of the city hassle free – and I needed to drop the coin in the slot to get the exit gates swing open for me to leave the station. While entering to travel in the train, you carry the coin with u after placing it on the reader but to leave u should drop it to get the exit portal open. I hesitated a second while doing it as that moment brought forth a lot of thoughts.

If I drop the coin only the barrier will open nevertheless I want to hold on to the coin fearing the unknown, here the possibility that the gate may not open and I would have lost the coin which is the key to open it. Though in this scenario, it is possible to get the desired outcome with the interference of the security, I might have embarrassed myself in front of all if that happened. Although the action seemed to be a routine for many, it needed a lot of coordination between a lot of my muscles. The same instance I drop the coin with my right hand holding my bag on the left, my eyes should focus on the turnstile to swing open, and that moment my legs should move the body to go through the small passage quickly to come out on the other side without hindering the person behind me whose hand is already on the coin slot.  There is no time to reflect, still I am here hesitating. A second later I am out unscathed with the mind locked on to this thought. 😀

In life there are many a situations where we want to hold on to something doubting the outcome if we dropped them. But unless we lose them we won’t get to experience the new things waiting for us. And it’s not the mind alone which has to let them go, but our body also should cooperate to move further. If we do that early in life, it will be far simpler and easier to do. Life without those burdens weighing us down, will be lighter and guilt free to make the most of it with the short time we are given on this earth.

Think about it! See you soon – really soon this time – with another thought!

Live life lighter!!!!