Scorpio Soul Search

An outlet for my thoughts, imagination and creative feelings!


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Day in ….Day out

If you kick in the pants of the person responsible for all your troubles, you won’t sit for a month  Theodore Roosevelt

Rita fumbled for the smart phone, playing the ‘cool waves’ tune for her to wake up in a calm and composed state of mind . After silencing it, she dozed off again, waking up half an hour later, in a mood exactly opposite of ‘tranquility’ she aimed the previous night.

Managing all chores at the nick of the time, she sent off her husband Nikhil and kids Ritwik and Nisha for their destinations.

She decided to rewind while checking her WhatsApp and Facebook messages, assuming that the maid, who is with her for five years, will take care of things in the way she always wanted them to be. While 120 minutes of her life, vanished into thin air, the maid also bid farewell for the day which she acknowledged without taking eyes off the screen.

She took a quick bath and rushed out to finish shopping for things required for tomorrow. On return, she found that the washing machine had stopped due to power failure and clothes were not dried and since she forgot to instruct, the maid has not grated the coconut which is required for cooking dinner.

Leaving the shopping bags near the fridge she proceeded to have a cut short lunch while watching a Mike Douglas thriller on TV. Due to metro work kids got home late and hungry. Since she didn’t make anything she gave them biscuits and tetra pack juices and decided to take rest for sometime.

After a few moments, she took the phone just to check WhatsApp messages, read some, answered a few queries and again closed her eyes …but mind started wandering about the clothes not yet dried, things not arranged and dinner to be made, while kids deeply involved in their gadgets.

Became restless and got up at 5 pm, told the kids to go to play, decided to skip her walking and started preparing dinner. On return from office, when Nikhil enquired about the chaotic state of home and the online bills which she forgot to pay, they got into an argument, exchanged a few harsh words, both resigned to their shells.

Due to each one’s preoccupation, dinner was finished quietly and Rita started winding up the kitchen. At that time, Ritwik informed an exasperated Rita that he needed a chart and world map for tomorrow to school. She saw that it was closing time for the nearby stationary shop,  leaving everything as it is, she sped there in her scooty.

After clearing kitchen, Rita retired to bed sore to the core but sleep eluded her for long as she didn’t do any exercise….Tomorrow is another day…..!

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11 Comments

Linked in memories

Do you link people with each activity in your life?

I Do.

I remember my dad while kneading the flour, who told me how it is important to knead the dough properly to get the best rotis/pooris.

Every time I grind in mixie, the memory of helping my mom years back, when we first got mixie in our house will appear in front of my eyes.

I recall my MIL saying, “this way is the best way to stir” whenever I stir the pot.

When I hear a particular song, a scene involving a friend of mine where we both guessed the song at the same time years back in her house, plays in my mind .

When I see a certain word in the newspaper, I go in a trance thinking about the person who explained the word to me.

I remember my MIL’s sister who gave me a notebook of kolams hand drawn by her with color sketches in it, all the time I put Kolam(rangoli) in our home

When seeing a specific movie songs on TV, I go to my childhood, where my brother memorised the lyrics dutifully and impressed us.

I get the memory of a friend whenever I tie my saree since she is the one who tied my first saree in the college hostel.

Upon seeing a particular model vehicle, it takes me to the friend with whom I have travelled in it first time.

When lighting the lamp, I get the image of my sister who loved to do it everyday in our home.

When I see an actress, the memory of the friend who resembled her in college days and all the time we spent together comes rushing in.

When I eat idlies, it comes to my mind how my elder sister hated them after having them in lunchbox throughout school days.

A joke shared may pop open a brain cell to bring forth a cousin and the place we vacationed.

When I hear about a particular ailment it reminds me of the person who suffered from it in my office.

A certain shop will always remain as a place visited with my Sister-in-law and a restaurant with another SIL!

The movie, ‘Still Alice’, which shows the deterioration of the brain cells in the main character (Splendidly performed by Julianne Moore) after the early onset of a rare Alzheimer disease, which I watched recently and became emotional, brought forth all these links with my thoughts. I got involved with the movie so much and started relating to the incidences where I forgot things  and couldn’t recollect even after scratching my head. 🙂

Her pain is relatable as who would like to forget all these memories linking us to so many loved ones in our life. So by putting them here, I can at least back up once in a while!!:D

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9 Comments

I just don’t conform well!

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I really can’t conform well to anything that is expected from me for being a woman, wife, mother, daughter, employee or employer, etc…I just can’t settle down into a routine because it is convenient and conforms to the norms of my life. I can’t even continue using a product because it serves its purpose well..I need to try new things, I have to do things in my way. These thoughts about conformity came to my mind and explained my restlessness sometimes clearly, because of two things that happened in the last couple of days.

The demise of Selvi. J.Jayalalithaa and the continuous barrage of messages in social media brought about the circumstances under which she was pushed into politics, shown with clarity that she refused to conform with the edicts at the time of her mentor MG Ramachandran’s funeral procession. She totally listened to her heart and did what it told her rather than just accepting whatever was expected from her and staying away from the controversy it had created. That incidence steeled her and paved the way for her rise in the political scenario. It also characterised her style of dealing with people around her. Though everyone criticised her behaviour, she refused to bow down and conform.

Similarly, our son with whom I always have difficulty in making him conform to the societal demands, unambiguously informed that he is not going to be part of a play because I want him to or his friends are participating. It is not his cup of tea, he said without hesitation and with a maturity, beyond his age.

This set the wheels in motion for my thoughts and enabled me understand the unexplained heaviness I feel sometimes in my heart. Especially when I don’t want to do something and not able to say it aloud, hesitating to topple the fine balance. It gave me an insight into the hundreds of hours I have spent to answer the question which doubted my ability in the areas of my disinterest and the guilty feeling I have associated with it.  Also the lament I have directed on my self for being lazy rather than relating to it as my nonconformity to the expectations.

A woman,  is expected to cook, care for all around her, dress nicely, be patient, never complain, bear the pain silently….

A man is expected to do well in his career, earn in millions, look smart, handle things with a smile, be strong, be selfless, be understanding……

A child, is expected to be soft spoken, obedient, study well, understand values, never talk back, be clean, responsible…….

No, I just don’t conform very well, Do you??

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