“No matter how much I want to become everything that you are”
This poem by Miri Elm in ‘A Short conversation’ captures the essence of possessiveness and how much obsession to hold everything of the other person is desired, to an extent that can be considered crazy. Read and you will know
“I CHOOSE YOU…EVERY DAY; NOT JUST THE GOOD ONES”
Marriage between two individuals is equated with the parallel rail tracks which stay apart but ensure smooth running of trains. Last few days I have been forced to think about this sacred institution (not so sacred anymore) and how it is viewed.
Its is more romantic to think that Marriage will happen between two people who have similar likings and once married would love to share everything with no secrets between them and they will be like two halves of a circle perfectly aligned. Of course, it’s not so always and in most successful marriages, it may be entirely opposite too.
So when I followed my train of thoughts and observed our own lives and others in our surroundings, mostly found the halves being on the opposite poles:
- When one lives happily in the present moment and can’t think of beyond today ; other is long term oriented with perfect plan for retirement and beyond
- One spouse is totally emotional and sensitive being, in contrast to the wholly practical approached counterpart with strong convictions doesn’t get shaken by any storm.
- A partner will be principled on hard work and strict discipline as the ways to success while the other half believe on smartness and luck factors
- One is an early riser and goes to bed early while the other loves to sit late and considers that early prey gets caught by its predator
- Routine things bores the female to the extent that she keeps two toothbrushes to alternate between; whereas the male never tires in keep doing the same pattern of activities……. for eons.
- In reading books and whiling away she gets her relaxation while rigorous fitness regime gives him the everlasting high.
- Going to new places and exploring new things provide the absolute pleasure for the woman; The man loves being at home after his work as change in schedule makes him restless
- While the masculine gender can recollect every name and number from childhood but forgets the wedding day, the feminine form can’t even remember own phone number but vividly recollects all moments of their life together
- Her commercial sense of the world is abysmal ; his idea on the home front is dreadful
- Satvic food is preferred by one and spicy food by the other
The list can go on similar to every married couple’s arguments sometime 😉
But what matters is the understanding they have of each other and the willingness to accept and appreciate other person’s choices and preferences.
Not identical tastes, rather love, respect and trust are equally important to stay together and save the marriage.
I chose to accept, appreciate, trust, respect and love ……….what about you?
In the last three days I had three outings with friends and thoroughly enjoyed the whole time.
Two of them are with the same set of adults and their kids with whom I watched a movie and trekked a hill nearby our place. Both activities were planned with little time in advance and mostly through Whatsapp group discussion still achieved a greater participation with enthusiasm. As far as I am concerned, the whole experience was an absolute pleasure and filed under ‘my most memorable days’ folder.
if I think about the people (5 awesome ladies) with whom I shared these moments, we are not bestsies or thick friends who touch base always although we know each other for more than 5 years. A common friend connected all of us and we were happy to come together. We did some adjustments in our daily life to accommodate these outings, for the sake of kids and for ourselves. Took it in our stride when some of the things that happened were not as per our expectations or liking. None of us complained too much or intruded in other’s privacy but ensured that all are included in the fun part without fail. Laughed out loud, encouraged each other to try new things, asked for each one’s review of the movie and exchanged ideas along with refreshments.
In all, it was a very cordial time spent together and each activity lasted four hours maximum on the day and it was not difficult to manage.
Therefore, when my friend called and said that because of this group it was possible and with some others it would not have been easy to pull through, I was astonished. She was saying that most if invited would like to know ‘who else are coming’ before even asking ‘where are we going or what are we doing’. They have so much hesitation to even try or do some adjustments for a day to move with people from similar backgrounds. As I said it’s hardly four hours of interaction and in that also it was not necessary to be intimate with everyone all the time. Even then it is unacceptable to some and they will be happy to throw away the fantastic experience of meeting people and having a wonderful time.
The insecurities, uncomfortable feelings, less confidence in self, ego clashes, fear of unknown, etc etc are quoted as reasons for this. But I wonder, where is the simplicity, humility, acceptance, joy of being together, sensitivity, considering others before self, goodness etc etc which will allow us to lower our guard sometime and enjoy life.
Surely I am not alone!
Why I want to write a blog? I have asked this question so many times to self and here is the answer….
I enjoy putting down my thoughts in words. Its like having a conversation with a patient listener who doesn’t interrupt or change the topic!
While writing I like the way my connected thoughts pouring out and my brain working overtime to get more related ideas from the far corners where I have stored them.
They may be coming from my experience or what I have read years before or seen in today’s newspaper. They may be related to the current scenario or something happened to others somewhere sometime.
Once typed down, it gives me immense pleasure and relief which I compare sometime with delivering the baby. I will be restless like a pregnant woman in the last trimester eagerly awaiting the due date, till then. Once delivered/finished the draft, I will be keep checking the whole body (text) to see whether all in good shape and perfect form. :’) before inviting the world to see my baby.
Also like all happy and proud mothers I always look forward to the compliments showered on my awesome baby…err..post 🙂 So, please like, comment and follow me!!
Have a Good day!
Today morning I woke up reluctantly although I knew my schedule and deadlines to meet. While contemplating to prolong the sleep a while more, my thoughts drifted to the different things that motivate each one to leave sleep and embrace the morning every day.
The passion of doing things they like will motivate some to jump out of the bed and involve themselves whereas as basic as of having good food may rouse up so many.
For some it is what they do, get up and carry on the daily chores in a routine way till they hit the bed and again the same dreary day next. While for some it is a God given gift to wake up to a new morning.
It may be duties they have towards their children and family which pushes some out of their slumber while it is the eagerness to meet ‘the one’ today for a few.
Making money or making it big awakens people sometime and other times it is just the thought of having quietness before the humdrum of a busy day.
Fitness freaks keep their shoes next to the bed and hop into them as soon as the alarm rings whereas lazy ones waiting for someone to pour a bucketful of water on their head.
Smarties planned their schedule to the ‘T’ and nothing will stop them from achieving their goals leave alone a cosy bed on a chill morning.
For grandparents, it may be the day their grandkid is visiting, hence need an early rise to make special preparations while young parents haven’t slept at all.
Some kids have their fixed time slots for sleeping and getting up during exam time with their parents keeping prior slots to ensure they stick to them.
Most have different schedules for weekdays and weekends though that cannot be said for quite a few. The stirring up happens on earth for most of us with some come to life on air and a handful do in the space too.
Wherever you are and whenever you emerge from the sleep, whatever you look forward to or planned to accomplish today, be there and relish each moment.
Wishing a very Good day to you all!
Today morning at one point of time, I was
-Making dosa for my breakfast
-boiling milk for my son’s cornflakes
-preparing coffee for the maids
-clarifying my son’s doubt on the online maths test he was taking on congruence of triangles
-answering my maid’s question on the new cleaning liquid I made using vinegar and lemon halves
-remembering to recollect the relative whose daughter’s baby shower my husband got invitation to attend in April which he informed me in real time while on the phone with her as he didn’t want me to tell later that he didn’t inform me :’O
-attending to a phone call asking whether I will attend the Holi celebration happening at our apartment
-apart from thinking about the vegetables to be cut for lunch and other things….
Just patted my back!
“Be Moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance” – Epicurus
Extremism in every form scares me.
‘R u with us or against us? Could not be answered in a clear cut way by all. I like to mumble and escape when confronted by two extremists pushing their agenda.
It’s not that I don’t have preferences. Certainly I do and exercise my likings whenever required.
I like reading more than watching sport and in reading I like mysteries and war stories compared to romance and drama. Will read political and local headlines in newspaper and skip business and sports sections completely!!!
I prefer comedies and thrillers when come to movies over action and tragic tales. In food I love spicy food in contrast to sweets or cakes. Sober colours and cool cottons are picked out for my clothes and minimalism is practiced religiously when comes to make up and dressing up for occasions.
Walking and yoga are favoured for my fitness routine over gym or zumba. I incline towards praying quietly and searching my inner soul for answers relating to life and God and purposely avoid elaborate rituals. I have voted for one party and rejected another.
In all the above, I never shun the other totally or walked out on them. Accepted and agreed upon once in a while. Tasted or refused diplomatically citing some reasons. Read a chapter and tossed away. Gave company when invited to watch a match. Tolerated the violent or smooching films when thrown in my way. Participated in poojas or ceremonies to fulfil social obligations. Listened to both the campaigns.
So whenever I come across people who are very strong in their opinions and preferences I freeze. When they refused to negotiate on their stand, no word comes out of my throat. I will feel agitated inside sometimes when the agreement or disagreement comes staunchly without a slight consideration for the other side, especially when the parties are close in relationship. I feel so dejected when some choices are not even considered and rejected outrightly.
It may be said that respect comes for people who have sure footing rather than to those who are constantly in dilemmas or agree for everything. True, it is really difficult to deal with those ‘no-stand-of their-own’ people as they are incapable of taking decisions and will be riding on others back always.
Again, these are people of other extreme, whereas there are some sensitive beings who see good in everyone and appreciate it genuinely. There should be a middle point somewhere where all of us can co-exist and live happily ever after. 😉
Are we not social animals and expected to live amicably by adjusting and compromising a bit to have peace and harmony?. If everyone feel that what they say or do is correct and stick to their guns, how are we supposed to move together to achieve the common good? Isn’t it learnt from history that infighting destroyed one’s own?
A positive and rewarding point I have identified in practicing moderation in different aspects of life is the ease with which we can correct ourselves whenever we made some mistakes. It also saves face and ego bruises are negligible when the opponent scores a clear goal. What do you say????? 🙂 🙂 🙂
Happy to be a moderate!
“Life is really simple; but we insist on making it complicated” – Confucius